I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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