end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
