Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
