normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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