Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize