It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
