hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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