hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
