Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
