dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
