he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
