i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
