I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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