But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
