i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
