proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
