They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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