Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
