Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The air taste purple.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
