We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
