I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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