apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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