I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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