capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
