chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
