Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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