My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
