He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
