Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
