isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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