I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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