i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
