woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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