you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
bring money and cleavage
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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