I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
