i think my tv is drunk
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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