just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Randomize
