Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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