i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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