K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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