i think my tv is drunk
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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