There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
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Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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