Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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