im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
