Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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