Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
