i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
