One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
