Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
