Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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