i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
