maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
