i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
