You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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