I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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