it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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