I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
