HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
