do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize