Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
