the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
