giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
