Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
