You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
