it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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