I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
we're so committed to being not committed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
