I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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