Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
zippers are such a cool invention
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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