Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
