I can tuck mytits in my pants
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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