What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
