I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
