remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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