Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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