Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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