My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
