I think i peed on brittanys purse
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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