So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
