I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
