I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
