I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
