"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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